Postpartum and Delivery: What I Wish I Knew

I could write a million words and none of them would capture the experience. Some of these things I was told but didn’t know in detail, some I learned about or read in passing, some were a total surprise. So here’s my best attempt to prepare you for the things that I thought slipped through the cracks of my expectations.

What I wish I knew going into labor, delivery, and postpartum:

1) It will get better

First and foremost, I wish I knew that it will get better. And it will get better sooner than you think. I kept telling myself that it had to, because otherwise why would anyone have second children.

I thought maybe something was wrong with me and I would just always feel that I had made a huge mistake. Other people seemed to love their newborns, to take smiling photos in the hospital, and dress their babies up in outfits, and take cute photos. I couldn’t seem to stop crying long enough to even contemplate it. While this was probably a sign of impending PPD, it also didn’t mean I wouldn’t be a good mom, or that I wouldn’t love my baby or enjoy having him. I just had to get through the valley. Getting out took time, some sleep, and some medication, but I got there. Mostly. Depending on the day. I just had to keep going.

(Note: we are now 9 weeks in and it is so, so much better. There are still hard moments but now it really feels worth it. We love him and it’s so cool to watch him start to be a person.)

2) Night nurses are a thing for a reason

When our parents asked if we were getting a night nurse I brushed it aside and said we’d be fine. That I don’t like people in my space (which is true), that it was a pandemic and we were worried about covid (also true), and that it would have been too hard with the dogs (probably true). I still wish we had hired one for the first 2 weeks. I think getting some sleep, even if it was just 2 hours at a time in between feedings, would have made the first 2 weeks so much more bearable. This is something we will absolutely budget and/or register for if we have another kid.

3) Doulas are 100% worth every penny

We weren’t sure about hiring doulas at first, but a friend suggested it over and over and finally we decided to look into it. From prenatal support, to delivery, to postpartum support, this is the best money we spent. I kept saying “we spent a fortune on a wedding planner for a day that didn’t even matter, we can spend a fraction of that on this day that will be so much more important.” I was right, but they also paid for themselves before and after birth too with their vast knowledge and support.

Our doulas were RKDoulas (@rkdoulas on instagram). We interviewed 3 pairs of doulas (they generally work in pairs so someone is always on call), and Raychel and Kori just made me feel at ease from our first conversation. They sent us reading material, and set up 3 formal video visits with us before birth to talk about our preferences, expectations, and walk us through everything we had questions on. For example, they walked us through the process of arriving, checking into the lobby, getting taken into triage, then moving to a delivery room, etc. They also answered a myriad of texts and emails about every random pain, feeling, question, etc. I had for the months leading up to birth (including the day that drinking a McDonald’s coffee for the first time in months gave me the shits and I panicked it was early labor. It was not.)

On the day, we called them as soon as my water broke, and Kori was on call that night. She texted with me for the next few hours keeping me calm(ish), and gave me the ok to head to the hospital. She supported both me and Eric over the next 10 hours in the delivery room, calmly turning off the beeping on certain machines as we waited for a nurse and reassuring me it wasn’t a panic button but rather something that could easily be fixed (like the monitor moving or the fluid bag being empty). She also reassured us when the wild epidural shakes started that it was ok. (Also something good to know—if you get an epidural your blood pressure will drop and your body will shake uncontrollably. It’s terrifying but normal apparently) She was my rock during pushing, as poor Eric was just trying not to pass out. They checked in on us the next few days while we were in the hospital, and sometimes answered my questions faster than we could page a nurse to come to our room. Kori came to our apartment a few days later and helped troubleshoot some breastfeeding, and she and Raychel answered all my panicked questions within half an hour over the next few days and weeks. I can’t thank or recommend them enough if you are lucky enough to be in their service area (I think most of NYC would qualify).

4) Your body is going to feel like you got hit by a fucking train. But it will also heal faster than you think.

I felt like I got hit by a train the first day. I have never been in so much pain, and it was all I could think about. Within a few days, it subsided to just feeling like I got hit by a car. Then a bike. Then punched in the crotch. By 3 weeks, the pain was really manageable. By 9 weeks, I feel pretty much normal, a little soreness if I do a kegel. I do still have some discomfort with exercise (aka walking more than 20 minutes) so I’m making an appointment with a pelvic floor therapist. I didn’t have any sort of timeline on when to anticipate healing, but knowing what to expect and when would have helped me so much.

5) An abdominal binder is not for cosmetic purposes, or just for c-sections.

I did not understand what an abdominal binder was or why to use it, and no one suggested it to me until it was too late. Next time, I’d get one ahead of time (probably just the fabric wrap ace bandage kind, though there are all kinds of fancy ones) and start wearing it day 1. When you deliver, your uterus starts contracting and your organs start going back to where they used to be. Your abdominal muscles also start to move back. 3 or 4 days after I gave birth I felt a painful bulge on either side of my belly button, and my organs felt like they were shifting when I moved. I laid down and swore I felt a kidney drift off (though my doulas assured me I did not). My doulas told me this was scary but normal, and my doctor’s office messaged me back 2 days later with “This is normal. You’re doing too much. Rest.” I think the binder would have prevented a little bit of this, though probably not all of it. It did subside within a few days, and by the time the binder we ordered arrived I didn’t really need it, I just wore tight high waisted leggings for a few days (though this really made me sweat around my diaper pad. Can’t win ‘em all).

6) Buy less, steal more

We bought A LOT of postpartum supplies before we went to the hospital. We didn’t need a lot of it. The first few days at home I preferred to just wear an adult diaper over making myself the pad-mesh underwear combo. However, this was too tight after a few days and made me sore, so I switched to thick pads in looser underwear. You will be given a lot of the mesh underwear, some pads, take some tubs of Tucks pads (these are great) to line your pad with. We bought all kinds of sprays and pads and foams and ice packs. I didn’t use most of them, I just used the Tucks. I probably should have used more ice packs but I didn’t, I’m not sure why. We didn’t need the inflatable donut either. We bought the Frida postpartum pack and the only thing I’d say that was worth it was the peri bottle, so I’d just buy that (put one in every bathroom). The cooling pads and foam were much less effective than the Tucks. We also did not steal any hospital baby blankets, and should have taken 1 or 2 just to have basically disposable blankets. For me personally the heavy bleeding lasted only about a week, then there was on and off light bleeding for about 3 weeks or so, and I’d say it was pretty much done by about 5 weeks.

7) Your baby will poop during every feeding. Also, baby poop color will drive you nuts.

This thing is a poop monster. He pees and/or poops during every feeding, and after every nap, and randomly in between. We’re using 15 or so diapers a day. It’s wild.

Also, the color of baby poop will drive you insane. About a month in we noticed that the baby’s poops were green a lot of the time, not the normal yellow “mustard” color. We obviously asked Dr. Google who said it was either a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance or an allergy. His actual doctor agreed, and we ended up dropping off a diaper sample to test for “hidden blood.” This was positive, and seemingly confirmed an allergy. The first things you cut out that are often the culprit are cow’s milk and soy, so I’m living that doy free life now. It’s not so bad, there are a lot of really delicious cookies that I now eat all day long pretending they’re healthy because they don’t have milk.

8) Breastfeeding hurts.

They will tell you “breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt if you’re doing it right.” This may be true, but I’ve never met anyone who got it right on the first try. Yes you should see a lactation consultant if it hurts. But chances are by the time you see one, that kid will have fucked up your nipples so bad you’ll be weeks behind on the pain that needs to heal first. So watch all the videos, definitely get help, and just kind of brace yourself. I’d like to say it gets better, and it does, but the honest truth is it still hurts me. But despite that I enjoy it, so we’re going to keep going. If I didn’t, I would absolutely switch to pumping or formula feeding.

We saw a lactation consultant twice and while I liked her and found the first visit helpful (honestly more reassuring than anything), our problems weren’t fixed. The baby has a high palate and a shallow latch. I know all the tricks for how to make it deeper, I’ve watched all the “nipple flip” videos. It still hurts and while he gets better as he gets bigger and stronger, it still hurts. I still can’t wear a bra and sometimes even my shirt touching bothers me. I have the little silverette cup things which help a little, I’ve tried a bunch of the creams and cooling gels. It hurts less as time goes on, but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t still hurt. TBD on when that stops.

9) You’re going to get drooled on, peed on, pooped on, and spit up on. It will bother you less than you anticipated.

I hate vomit. I hate drool. Maybe even more than being peed on. I still hate it, but I’ve found myself just wiping off cottage cheese vomit with my bare fingers and forgetting to change my shirt. Somehow knowing it’s just breastmilk (or formula) is a little easier.

10) Instagram will be your best friend. And possibly enemy. But if you use it right, it’s the most valuable tool.

Google is amazing and terrifying. Instagram is like google but targeted. My suggestion is to find a few accounts you like, trust, and find helpful, and just follow those. Read all the highlights, and consider buying a course or 2. When you start to panic, go first to those sources. A lot of the time there is a literal goldmine of information. (And let me know if you love anyone who is not on this list!)

Accounts I like and trust:

For all things postpartum and baby: It’s not a secret, but @karrie_locher is popular for a reason. She has a bringing home baby and a breastfeeding course, and we bought both and found them really helpful. Her highlights are an absolute gold mine. She has highlights for almost everything I’ve needed to know and I really enjoy her calm personality.

Breastfeeding/pumping:

@milkymamallc, @pump_momma_pump

Pediatricians:

I like @parentlikeapediatrician, @thepediatricianmom, @pedsdoctalk, and @drrisahoshino

OBs:

@dreverywoman does a Q&A every week that I enjoy, @dr.martaperez just had a baby so is posting less but has a lot of great content including a youtube channel, @drsterlingobgyn

Therapy and feelings:

@drbeckyatgoodinside is amazing, I took one of her courses and loved it and foresee taking more. @biglittlefeelings is such a good follow, and I definitely anticipate we will be buying their full course when we have a toddler.

Physical therapy/milestones:

@milestones.and.motherhood, @themovementmama

Car seat safety:

@safeintheseat. We bought her course and printed out all her PDFs and we’re so glad we did. So much great info on her IG page in reels, posts, stories, and highlights. Also @thecarseatlady and @thecarmom

Food:

@solidstarts, @feedinglittles

Funny and relatable moms:

@thedailytay just absolutely kills me. My girl @jessankirby is a great follow for honesty and lifestyle stuff. @jesskeys_ is due this month. Probably so many more I’m not thinking of!

I hope this was helpful! Do you have more questions? Comments? Suggestions? Send me a DM at @samhasbigideas